I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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