I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
