cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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