You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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