I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
