Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
