I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
