I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
