My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
