I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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