I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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