If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
