I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
