My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
