I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Mom said you looked used
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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