Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
