My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
