I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
