I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
