I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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