sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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