He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
