And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
