I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
