I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
