I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
