you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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