Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize