I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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