how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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