Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
