Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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