Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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