Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
