Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
