I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
