I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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