from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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