I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
