i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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