Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize