The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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