and you said cock pushups were impossible
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize