I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize