OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
