After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
