he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize