I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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