Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
