I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There are leaves in my underwear?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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