I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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