yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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