I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
