sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
