I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i think i just lost a toe
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
