explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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