I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
