I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
