you have to choose: penises or morals?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
