what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
