Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
