Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize