I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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