mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
