I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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