There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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