i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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