I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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