On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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