Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
