the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
