it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
