I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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