There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
