Apparently you make a good broom.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
