I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
