something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
