I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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