she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
