She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
