I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
