But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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