I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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