I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
