I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
