But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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