True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
