I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
