Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
