When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
