my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And then my night got REAL pukey
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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