I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
