Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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