How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
