What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
