is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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