I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize