it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
