he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
