he thought i was a dude.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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