so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
