also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
