Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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