puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
