The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize